1. drink stinky coffee. wait till the stink starts to grow into your mouth. talk to people closely.

2. talk to peoples' eyebrows, or the top of their head, or the side of the top of their head.

3. when calling someone on the phone, try to say hello before the person answering has the opportunity to.

4. be too nice to nice people, be overly stupid towards stupid people. it pisses them off.

5. while in a conversation, open your eyes wider and wider, then run away crying.

6. talk to quiet people continuously, as if you're speaking on behalf of you and them. they'll get angry you aren't representing them well.

7. stare at angry people. they never hit back.

8. flirt heavily with girls, get their hopes up, then walk away.

9. speak to a self-absorbed teacher or professor with a saddened face like they just told you they killed your best friend.

10. make fun of peoples' head shapes or sizes. don't mention ears.

11. talk to a person (or watch a teacher/professor) with one eye crossed but with the other looking straight ahead, just slightly. it takes a little practice to get the focus down and look like a complete yokel, but if you do it well you can always fall back on the 'physical defect' excuse and/or run away crying (point 5).

12. if you get stuck being talked at by a boring person or a person who thinks he's funny, laugh at all the wrong times and all the rest with numb eyes and a gaping mouth.

13. look at people and laugh. point if necessary.

14. try talking to people with eyes closed.

15. carry butterfly knives.. flick them open while passing people (be careful for cops though).

16. pretend you know people that you really don't. groups of frat boys work especially well for this one. remember to shake hands and make a good impression, all while asking them things you overheard them talking amongst themselves about, but just as they ask you for your name, say you've gotta go (or point 5).

17. elaborate certain situations, like striking up a conversation with the McDonald's lady or bank teller. make it brief yet classy. starting off on a colloqial level is the key.

18. pick out a person on the street walking towards you. walk directly in their path. when they try to weave out of the way, match their course. it's best if you have shades on for this one; if not, try to look at them as little as possible and make it seem it's just an accident.

19. while sitting in class, always stretch your body over two or more seats.

20. ask everyone to repeat everything. if they get tired of you, get angry.

21. if a person's talking too fast to you or you just don't care what they're saying, say 'no' in the middle of their sentence and let them scramble after you, trying to figure out what you're contradicting. organised people will get tied up in knots with this one.

22. head into the religous teen channels on irc (#mormon, #teens4jesus), see how many times it takes for you to go in, spam, get kicked, get forgiven, and reenter, before they lose their divine trust in ya and ban your domain. take turns with friends, betting if you wanna.