embarassing stuff is a good example. usually when i do something outrageous or at least out of the norm, i feel a potential to say 'god that was lame' turned in on myself. recently i found that this same exact feeling can be turned outwards, having an exactly opposite reaction. it's other peoples' problem if they can't accept what i do.. not mine. people know i'm wierd, there's no doubt about that. but, i kinda like that. it gives me leeway to at least know they're gonna partly understand all the abnormal stuff i do. as for the stuff that even still goes above that level, well.. back to my first point in this paragraph. i have to have courage, acceptance,  and pride, that's all.

it's a shame - the most detailed stuff about you is the first to go when you're inhibiting yourself for the sake of not wanting to stand out. it's a shame because this little stuff is what really gives each person their character, but so many of us sacrafice it to fit in or to avoid criticism. i say fuck that. it's hard at first to stand up to other people and to your own inhibition, but i've found it gets easier with time as you start to push things out in the open.

even if someone does make fun of you, the deeper you're into yourself, the more you'll be able to look into their consciousness and see that they're just fucked up in a similar way you once were. when a person makes fun of you, they will *always* be on a more inhibited level than you. use this to your advantage - it's a great opportunity to take your emotions out on them rather than in on yourself. the opinions of people who are losed minded than you don't need to be listened to.. don't pay them any attention, because regardless of how loud they may talk or how many people they may appear to persuade, the smaller their consciousness is, the smaller their voice will be.

don't hide aything, from yourself or others. there's no room for that if you want to live this way.

from the moment you start believing more in yourself, you'll find your actions not only more focused, but less questioned by your other parts. it's pretty easy to see why - the energy wasted by criticizing yourself is now working for you instead of against you, and it adds up to more accuracy and deeper levels of thought. in turn, the more you start to question and doubt this way of thinking's authenticity, the more you'll float up again and return to your old self-bashing ways. tell the truth.

don't ever worry is what you're doing is going to coincide with a deeper level of thought's emotion. the only negativity in that entire equation is the insecurity you're bringing into it. if you get worried, it'll start a chain reaction. i know it's hard to just throw this all together and hope it works, but that's really the only way things are done. if you try and take it step by step, you'll fall into the trap i did with trying to figure out every part of your consciousness, which i just don't think is humanly possible.. there's too much down there. i'd rather let the sections designed to take care of things do their job, and have a good time with it. again, everybody has these problems to some extent, and the happy people are really the only ones who've either not let this get to them or who have successfully navigated through it like me.

usually when you're being told you're no good or whatever, it's usually not even the case. look at it from a realist's point of view and you'll see you're doing just fine. when you tell yourself you're nothing, your negativity is feeding off itself and multiplying out of control, overcoming everything about you. don't even bother listening to it; its one-sidedness should be reason enough to prove that it's not worth listening to at all.

what this all comes down to is that your subconscious will work for you if you work for it. i know i haven't trusted myself on that point in the past and let myself be taken down by it, but it's a necessary step every person must take. look at it this way - all the negativity you've had pretty much stems from the fact that you weren't working with it, correct? logically, the opposite must be true. relax.