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i recently devoted myself to a mixture of Zen and Taoism. I did this because of the realization
of good and evil within myself. I realized that I could try and try to
make all the excuses for feeling good, but in the end there would always
be an evil counterpart to equally match it. i envisioned it like a stack
of legos, half the peices light and half dark, continuously adding onto
eachother. for this reason, I found zen.
Zen is the hidden answer to the true/false question; the way out of the catch 22; the third eye. when two unstoppable objects collide, the result is a harmonious unity that order and chaos merge to, adding a new dimension to any situation. Everyone has dark and light inside them. A person in war may see the enemy as the epitome of darkness, therefore his entire light side will envelop him and work with him to overcome the darkness. But what happens after the war is over? many people with a good deal of light and dark inside them lack a good opportunity to express the conflict externally, such as a rival or antagonist would manifest. this is what happened to me, i think. too much of the lught and dark was fighting within my own mind, because in the mind there are always two sides to every story and always an opportunity to excercise both sides at will. The way I applied Zen to my life was that I firstly recognized that my good and evil was manifesting itself recursively, meaning i was constantly putting light and dark forces within my own mind. i then saw the way out of this, to accept the infinite struggle of dark vs. light - in a way, fractalizing my consciousness. from this infinite loop, the reality of zen emerged. through the realization of balance and acceptance of everything i now knew these two forces were shaping my thoughts, i could see the third path open in front of me. When i'm thinking on a peaceful (not good or bad) level, i hear the zen tell me that whatever i do is fine. in the place in my mind where i would have stored the current truth, analogy, or moral, this abstractness of zen now resides. The zen tells me that whatever i do is fine with it; on a normal operating level everything flows freely outward and everything comes freely in to me. I can feel sometimes the power of light or dark trying to take over, as it is deceptive in many ways. Every time i feel a certain way, it envelops me and tries to conquer every part of my will, including the zen. the zen is then put into a fix, but by nature of its abstract nothingness it can dance around avoid persecution because it operates below what my talkative mind can touch. whenever the zen is being posessed by light or dark, i find myself respectively saying 'yes' or 'no' more to myself; even though zen means both, the light and dark sides find their way into any model i set up and manipulate them. Additionally, my conscious mind constantly tries to identify things by putting images or labels tagged onto them. This zen has no set image at all - i've seen it as a nothingness, as chaos, as randomness.. it's shape is as resiliant as my creativity. I know whenever my consciousness starts attacking the zen directly, it's not really the zen at all. Therefore, i know the harder my consciousness tries to debug zen, the easier it is for me to reinvent it and go on with the algorithm. pretty sneaky, eh? This is why zen works. by nature, it is nothing, while being everything. so, from a psychological view, the top part of my consciousness which operates according to rules and logic cannot comprehend this so the zen resides at a lower level of by consciousness. Usually when i have some cheesy moral i try and stick to, often i find myself at the end of my rope, asking myself "why do i believe in this? what is it all? what!?" - with zen, all i simply respond to myself is that it's nothing. this dynamic composure of it is so free formed, it's never failed me. it never will either, as long as i keep it dynamic. overall, the zen teaches me not that i'm never going to have bad thoughts.. that's part of life. what it does teach me is how to recognize how manipulated my consciousness gets when the dark or light forces take it over, and by its abstract nature i always have something to cling to. It teaches me to focus my light and dark on something else rather than my own psyche.. I never wanted to be so self-conscious in the first place, and i think i'm finally gonna have some peace thanks to this. I find when am operating with my zen, i think more sporadically.. without my consciousness telling my deeper part that an idea is no good or whatever, the thoughts are more like wisps that fly out and can't be reflected upon. It's a trade off; i can either have more deep reflections and know i will be hard on myself, or have more sporadic thoughts but know all of them will be left uninhibited. i prefer the second of the two by far. When I'm into zen, i'm less anxious about things, and also less worried. I'm a deeper, more focused individual.  |