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A person’s either at the source or he isn’t when operating, regardless of the topic. Words are the afterimages of thoughts; insecurity is the aftereffect of a lost thought. I.E.: Often when I try to think of things or ways of living life, I’ll try to remember a really good way I thought of philosophizing something in the past. This never works out; it’s too much like a crumbling memory, and on top of that, I always have the never-ending counter strike that can seem to make any positive way of life show its equal and opposite dark side. The answer? Focus on the symbol, not the interpretation. Go one step beyond the philosophy and imagine past the point from where you brought forth the creativity to be molded into the philosophy that you had set in words for yourself. There, through creativity, you’ll find equally interpretive but new ways to define the same floating concepts. People call this art. With me, because of my disposition, I come up with a lot of ways to think of the mind. A songwriter may have put as much thought as I have into his own form, and thereby be able to pass his creativity through his own experience and (if lucky) be able to draw a really heart-striking piece of music, assuming he has the skill to transcribe it. it's also where i place my zen. i say to myself when things are looking bad, 'the more set into a shitty way of life i am, the easier it will be for zen to take its course.' in other words, if i'm living in a rut, creativity will be easier and easier to spot since any form that dilutes itself will be less and less encompassing, leaving more room for the hole of open thought to make its way through. again, the deeper level sublimates and cuts off this rut and then you've got a nice and dandy new set to work on. Don’t be afraid you won’t be able to do it, or your current work will be less in quality compared to anything you’ve already done – you either have skill or you don’t. since you’re still reading, I’m assuming you’re connecting with my words and getting something out of reading this, so you know you have that skill in one shape or another. Doing this is the only way to keep skills sharp. -- When a person draws too much from past recollection, it cuts out on potential. He’ll now be only using as much creativity as he used when he first passed through to make the original piece of art that inspired him to do this, unfortunately it’ll develop into a rut. Deprived of what he should be drawing from (spontaneity) he’ll only see himself as a shadow of his past. I.e.: I see this a lot with people trying to recapture their fame by what they think is trying to fit into an image, when in reality an image is absolutely nothing that a person should have any control over – it’s the mass collection of spontaneous thoughts that make a person’s character, not what they can cut out from themselves to prevent ‘colliding’ with things they think are out of their bounds. Living through the eye of your past is no way to live. What does it boil down to? The present. This is very hard to realize (at least for me), but all that matters is the present. The past and the future are only controlling you as much as you make them out to be. If a guy sits in a chair all day thinking about how much he screwed up yesterday, then what does that accomplish? Living in the moment is really awkward and I have trouble doing it myself sometimes, but it’s really fun and I wish I could find better ways to make a habit out of it.
I was playing tomb raider this morning. (I think this applies here). The game’s very hard – the way the game’s set up is that in order to complete a level, you have to reach a goal or open a door or whatever, and of course there’s a shitload of obstacles in the way. The levels get longer and longer as the game progresses, so the developers help you out by putting ‘save points’ in the levels, kind of like intermissions. If you die in a level and have saved in a certain save point, you go back to that save point instead of having to go back to the beginning of the level. The game ultimately comes down to whether or not you’ve got enough skill to make it from one save point from the next, and also conservation and skillful use of the save points (since you can only use each once). Anyhow, I found that I usually do my best (that is, make it the farthest
without dying) the first time I play a particular point. The times after
that, I sort of know my way around the terrain – knowing where the monsters
are gonna be, knowing where to jump, etc – and this makes it so I don’t
really have to stand out with my wits because I know more or less where
everything’s gonna be and there are really no surprises. Yet, I always
manage to do better the first time around, even though I have these plans
set in my head every time I go back. Why? These plans I’ve set up
in my brain do as much bad as they do good. Yeah, I do know where
the monsters are gonna be and where to jump in the situations, but still,
it sets me back because I don’t know myself. The first time i play,
every part of my being is focused towards the present, through avoiding
new obstacles. Later on, going back over the same point, I don’t
trust my skills – I don’t have the realization to say that I can do it
and think instead that I need to use extra precaution rather than looking
at the fact that I did it the first time and probably will go farther the
first time than I will with this extra voice inside my head telling me
things. I've now got a mix of remembrances of what i should do to
avoid getting killed (which boils down to nervousness) and the added stress
of now memorizing where the traps will be (more nervousness), when all
i had going againt me the initial trial was the nervousness of blind luck.
I should look at the skill I demonstrated the first time around rather
than what I think I’m capable of, and theoretically the anxiety of doing
poorly should gradually disappear, and in application the “beginner’s luck”
as they call it should gradually come closer and closer to my everyday
repeated attempts.
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