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i'm finally finding ways into my brain. it's not all that i thought it would be though - they're all just caches and utilities, like how upon cracking down a building you'd find nothing more than custodian supplies and articles of upkeep, or how looking deeper into a movie all you see is the inconsistency in actors' performances or bad editing jobs. i suppose you can make an art form out of that too but i'd rather see these things as a means to an end. emotions are stored in the (upper) conscious factors, at least for me. the general feel of what's down there is 'blah, fuck it'. these things are fun to explore though, since once you connect these different areas of your brain with your conduit of consciousness, you'll see things from both sides at once and the two operands can mingle information. i guess this makes me smarter. it feels like discovering something new, only you know you knew it before. the two operands meet and you find yourself staring at an unknown for the first time, and through those two parts of you meeting, they bleed together for the time being, perhaps forever. i entered into a sabbatical the other day that turned out to be quite fun. my consciousness was slightly tweaked, just enough to see a little more than the average operation standard. there's really a quite intricate network of body language that we all use. In normal everyday operation, these body language signals are sent out and received on the same wavelengths using approximately the same apptnetion spans, and since it's unspoken people have generally no problem with the code. certain body language signals are accepted as normal, just like there are reserved ones for happiness, sadness, and everything else. i got creative towards the end of my trip and decided to throw a few of my own slightly tweaked responses into the mix; it turned out pretty funny. the network of body language is being constantly updated; everyone has an unconscious fear of being "found out" (that they are indeed using a systematic code of responses instead of living for the moment, which everyone wants, but few people do). this process of updating is accomplished through seeing anyone else carry a response to a new level. if the new element in the response is favorable, it'll catch on, like a fad. TV has pushed this code through the roof, so much that in fact some of the most code-dependeny people unconsciously feel themselves trapped into choosing from a very limited amount of possible behavior patterns; most of what the TV has droned into all of us tells us where the holes are in certain behavior codes and precisely where to undermine them. anyhow, onto the main point. i'm going to try to categorize my intellect, if i can. this might be tough, but i'll never know if i don't try (and i haven't ever heard of anybody doing anything like this before). right now i'm using the manifold in my consciousness of 'knowing the zen material' to store one or two bits of information about myself. this might grow out of control as i expand (if i do succeed), but if that happens i should know how to handle it. another problem i just thought of would be that the more i know about myself, the more i'll change, and in turn the more i'll have to rewrite about myself. hopefully by then i'll find out enough to be able to form some sort of pattern which defines my future as well as my present, and be able to define a psychological primer from there. artists in general, the good ones, already know this, or at least some extent of it. to be able to dig this deep into the mind and be able to pull good shit which calls up facts of deep empotion through an artform is in a way the same thing as what i'm doing right here. my words may get poetic at times in order to provide you the reader the feeling of what i'm feeling while delivering the information i want, similar to how a musician would slow down a beat to relax your mood while the melody induces an emotion. the album Lifeforms by The Future Sound of London comes to mind. i'll categorize them all by levels. the level break is Level 0; the stimulus that sets the action in play. what will be depicted is the original source of when that emotion was attained, if i can remember it; if not, the stimulus from that occasion will do. level 1 represents the initial undaunted emotionstruck from the break, level 2 represents the first counteremotion or balance that i used, and level 3 and up will be anything on top of level 2 that i've come up with (these will most likely contain reminants of this intrpospection i'm using now). these notations will most likely be vague at best, since it's hard for me to put into words what i feel; situations almost never have a solid word to describe them. not only that, but i don't exactly want to get in a habit of giving away my personal experiences. call me a flake but hey. note. These manuscripts can be applied to any art media; i guarantee
the results will be breathtaking.
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